I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
not ubering you a puppy
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
