I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
