Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
