Yo dont text me then not text me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
