So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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