when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
