Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
