Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
sex in a hospital.. check
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
