when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
