i don't like sucking hair
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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