you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
