i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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