Porn is love you can see.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
