Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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