"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
