I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
