i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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