Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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