she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
