Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
