just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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