i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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