Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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