So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
