I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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