please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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