Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
