I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
