the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
