that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
whose parrot is this?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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