He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
