Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
