So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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