As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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