They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he thought i was a dude.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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