Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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