My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
