All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
