saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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