someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got inside last night via doggy door
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
