You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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