No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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