Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
