it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
