Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
