this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
