K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize