My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
