Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
