This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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