As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just had sex on a roof
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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