is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
