Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Acid is not a monday night drug
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
