Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I need moral support for this bender
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
