We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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