I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my liver is dry heaving
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
