Having a random hookup so left but love u
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
