So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
