there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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