When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
