life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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