I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
we should paint friendship bongs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
