I love black thongs
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
whose parrot is this?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We are all done wearing pants today
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
