I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
